Tales of a Little Insomniac....
Hi Everybody,
Insomnia has once again set in like a bad dream (pardon the pun), with last night being one of the worst yet. Can't sleep, when I do it's only for literally minutes at a time, every slight noise makes me jolt out of semi-consciousness....I managed to get about 2 hours after a phone call from Ian this morning, and then another two earlier tonight, which was a bit of a fatal mistake as I know it now means I won't sleep tonight until just before dawn (a lesson learnt from experience!). Dammit.
HMS President with Caron on Sunday was, without a doubt, one of the most fantastic experiences I've had. I danced my first Double Trouble (where a guy dances with 2 girls at the same time) and was doing dips, drops and leans like a pro! The feeling was incredible; there's me, a relatively new Cerocer of a couple of months, swirling around the dancefloor, bending and swaying inches from the floor, moulded like clay under the hands of one of the more experienced dancers....the rush was so heady, so incredible - the only thing I can compare it to is the curtain call after a show! There's another one in July, which I'm definitely going to, and I'm back down in London again this Saturday for another Freestyle event with Caron. =o)
I don't think I'm ever really destined for peace of mind. It seems to me that I don't realize how good I've had it until I find myself in a new imbroglio, and then I wish for what used to be. Once again I'm back in that place where I can't think too much, because if I do it leaves me in tears; once again I hold my breath in anticipation of what could be, and let it out in a sigh when it never comes to pass.
I don't think I'm destined to grow old. I've got the feeling I'll do a Sylvia Plath or Sarah Kane. (If you don't know who they are, go look them up - I can't be bothered to keep explaining it!) I don't really know how Plath could kill herself when she had 2 children, 2 little children, who were sleeping upstairs at the time. On the other hand, I know the depths of despair she must have reached - failed relationship, that awful suffocating feeling that your career is going to come to nothing....it's a kind of higher though horrific justice that her husband received because of what he did (okay, I'll explain - Plath was married to Ted Hughes, later Poet Laureate; he had affairs left, right and centre, and she found out - hence the failed relationship. She killed herself by putting her head in a gas oven; Hughes' lover committed a copycat suicide a few months later, taking the child she had by him with her). Oh well. At least if I stick my head in a gas oven at the age of 30-odd I can console myself with the thought that I'm doing it because I'm a tortured genius. *lol*
Time to go and have a shower, then return to working on one of my plays - talent brings its own rewards!
(Posted @ 1.07 am GMT Wednesday 21/06/06)
Insomnia has once again set in like a bad dream (pardon the pun), with last night being one of the worst yet. Can't sleep, when I do it's only for literally minutes at a time, every slight noise makes me jolt out of semi-consciousness....I managed to get about 2 hours after a phone call from Ian this morning, and then another two earlier tonight, which was a bit of a fatal mistake as I know it now means I won't sleep tonight until just before dawn (a lesson learnt from experience!). Dammit.
HMS President with Caron on Sunday was, without a doubt, one of the most fantastic experiences I've had. I danced my first Double Trouble (where a guy dances with 2 girls at the same time) and was doing dips, drops and leans like a pro! The feeling was incredible; there's me, a relatively new Cerocer of a couple of months, swirling around the dancefloor, bending and swaying inches from the floor, moulded like clay under the hands of one of the more experienced dancers....the rush was so heady, so incredible - the only thing I can compare it to is the curtain call after a show! There's another one in July, which I'm definitely going to, and I'm back down in London again this Saturday for another Freestyle event with Caron. =o)
I don't think I'm ever really destined for peace of mind. It seems to me that I don't realize how good I've had it until I find myself in a new imbroglio, and then I wish for what used to be. Once again I'm back in that place where I can't think too much, because if I do it leaves me in tears; once again I hold my breath in anticipation of what could be, and let it out in a sigh when it never comes to pass.
I don't think I'm destined to grow old. I've got the feeling I'll do a Sylvia Plath or Sarah Kane. (If you don't know who they are, go look them up - I can't be bothered to keep explaining it!) I don't really know how Plath could kill herself when she had 2 children, 2 little children, who were sleeping upstairs at the time. On the other hand, I know the depths of despair she must have reached - failed relationship, that awful suffocating feeling that your career is going to come to nothing....it's a kind of higher though horrific justice that her husband received because of what he did (okay, I'll explain - Plath was married to Ted Hughes, later Poet Laureate; he had affairs left, right and centre, and she found out - hence the failed relationship. She killed herself by putting her head in a gas oven; Hughes' lover committed a copycat suicide a few months later, taking the child she had by him with her). Oh well. At least if I stick my head in a gas oven at the age of 30-odd I can console myself with the thought that I'm doing it because I'm a tortured genius. *lol*
Time to go and have a shower, then return to working on one of my plays - talent brings its own rewards!
(Posted @ 1.07 am GMT Wednesday 21/06/06)
posted by SaMxXx at Wednesday, June 21, 2006
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