This Is Where The "Eternal Optimism" Bit Comes In...
I'm getting there! After my last desperate entry - on the verge of total failure despite all efforts - I'm now on the right road again, only this time I actually have a destination...!
Having turned myself into a hysterical wreck in the early hours of Monday morning, Jay came to my rescue. With the voice of calm reason and loving words, he talked me through two of my half-completed assignments, meaning that come 5.30am, I had two completed assignments before me. I fell in love with him even more, this wonderful, tormented man who made me feel the power of his presence with 3,000 miles of ocean between us. Words cannot describe the emotion that surged through me when he called on skype and uttered the immortal words, "Hello Sweetie, it's okay. I'm here. What's up?" For 4 and a half hours he talked to me, calming me, guiding me, reasoning with me...loving me. Come 6.30am my time, I had had no sleep at all, but through the exhaustion and the pain of eyes that have cried too much, I experienced the most wonderful sense of calm. We talked through my options regarding the rest of my work, and then he went to bed, urging me to do the same, and assuring me of his love.
(This is where I want to turn around and point out to those who would disparage him, or are disbelieving of his love: look at what he's done for me. You don't see the Jay I do. Nobody but he and I truly know of the sweet, loving, funny Jay who gazes at me from across a gulf of water and makes everything all right, who plays with me, who pulls stupid faces at the camera, who tells me I look beautiful at 4 in the morning and tries to take pictures of me...the Jay who laughs, the Jay whose face lights up when he smiles, the Jay who plays with his pet rats and makes my heart melt when I see how much love he has for 2 such small creatures. I want to point and say, "You see? This is Him. This is the Jay I've fallen in love with.")
I'd already emailed my tutor at 11.45pm Sunday night, asking for an extension for two of my essays, but come Monday morning and there was no reply. Walked up to uni with Teresa, who proved to be another voice of reason in the midst of my troubles - "It doesn't matter, if one plan doesn't work, then we'll keep looking and trying until we find one that does." I rocked up to my tutor's office in the uni - not there. Trundled off down to the Department Office, only to be told, "No, she's not in today." Instant panic. What the HELL do I do? By this point it's past midday - the essays are due in at 12.30. In sheer desperation I send the same email I sent to my Tutor to my Head of Department. By this point it's 12.17 and Teresa and I are anxiously staring at the computer screen, willing the Inbox to flash. Teresa can't bear the tension and goes to buy sustenance from the Mason Lounge. I type a message to Jay, updating him on the situation so far. No sooner do I hit "Send" when my Inbox flashes. Message from my Head of Department: all-go on the essay extensions, not a problem at all, can I come and see her in her office the next day? And the time of her email...? 12.26. Four minutes to go before the deadline...I'm telling you, you can't plan timing like that. Cue joyously frantic email to Jay, reporting the good news...Teresa appears, flushed from her exertions with queues at the counter and encounters with friends not seen over Christmas - one look at my face tells her all she needs to know. I'm telling you, people, I floated out of that computer cluster.
So there we have it. I'm finally on the road to somewhere AND it looks like I'm actually going to get there, too. Eternal and ecstatic thanks go to Jay for being there at the most perilous moment in the crisis, and when I was actually in a lot of danger (in the literal sense) - forever in your debt. Also to Teresa - right by my side (well, almost) at the second most urgent moment in the situation - feelin' it, Homie!
At last...at last...
xXx
(Posted @ 3.06pm GMT)
Having turned myself into a hysterical wreck in the early hours of Monday morning, Jay came to my rescue. With the voice of calm reason and loving words, he talked me through two of my half-completed assignments, meaning that come 5.30am, I had two completed assignments before me. I fell in love with him even more, this wonderful, tormented man who made me feel the power of his presence with 3,000 miles of ocean between us. Words cannot describe the emotion that surged through me when he called on skype and uttered the immortal words, "Hello Sweetie, it's okay. I'm here. What's up?" For 4 and a half hours he talked to me, calming me, guiding me, reasoning with me...loving me. Come 6.30am my time, I had had no sleep at all, but through the exhaustion and the pain of eyes that have cried too much, I experienced the most wonderful sense of calm. We talked through my options regarding the rest of my work, and then he went to bed, urging me to do the same, and assuring me of his love.
(This is where I want to turn around and point out to those who would disparage him, or are disbelieving of his love: look at what he's done for me. You don't see the Jay I do. Nobody but he and I truly know of the sweet, loving, funny Jay who gazes at me from across a gulf of water and makes everything all right, who plays with me, who pulls stupid faces at the camera, who tells me I look beautiful at 4 in the morning and tries to take pictures of me...the Jay who laughs, the Jay whose face lights up when he smiles, the Jay who plays with his pet rats and makes my heart melt when I see how much love he has for 2 such small creatures. I want to point and say, "You see? This is Him. This is the Jay I've fallen in love with.")
I'd already emailed my tutor at 11.45pm Sunday night, asking for an extension for two of my essays, but come Monday morning and there was no reply. Walked up to uni with Teresa, who proved to be another voice of reason in the midst of my troubles - "It doesn't matter, if one plan doesn't work, then we'll keep looking and trying until we find one that does." I rocked up to my tutor's office in the uni - not there. Trundled off down to the Department Office, only to be told, "No, she's not in today." Instant panic. What the HELL do I do? By this point it's past midday - the essays are due in at 12.30. In sheer desperation I send the same email I sent to my Tutor to my Head of Department. By this point it's 12.17 and Teresa and I are anxiously staring at the computer screen, willing the Inbox to flash. Teresa can't bear the tension and goes to buy sustenance from the Mason Lounge. I type a message to Jay, updating him on the situation so far. No sooner do I hit "Send" when my Inbox flashes. Message from my Head of Department: all-go on the essay extensions, not a problem at all, can I come and see her in her office the next day? And the time of her email...? 12.26. Four minutes to go before the deadline...I'm telling you, you can't plan timing like that. Cue joyously frantic email to Jay, reporting the good news...Teresa appears, flushed from her exertions with queues at the counter and encounters with friends not seen over Christmas - one look at my face tells her all she needs to know. I'm telling you, people, I floated out of that computer cluster.
So there we have it. I'm finally on the road to somewhere AND it looks like I'm actually going to get there, too. Eternal and ecstatic thanks go to Jay for being there at the most perilous moment in the crisis, and when I was actually in a lot of danger (in the literal sense) - forever in your debt. Also to Teresa - right by my side (well, almost) at the second most urgent moment in the situation - feelin' it, Homie!
At last...at last...
xXx
(Posted @ 3.06pm GMT)
posted by SaMxXx at Friday, January 13, 2006
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